


Lizzy & Jane Need Wedding Dates

by soldegira



Category: Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Darcy is a Harry Potter nerd on the low, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Hate to Love, Lizzie Bennet/William Darcy Feels, Modern AU, Sharing a Bed, hate to toleration to unintended love, shoves all the tropes into one fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-02 14:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11511711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldegira/pseuds/soldegira
Summary: Modern. Lizzy and Jane's sick mother begs them to bring dates to Lydia's wedding. Rather than go through the trouble of meeting people, they place an ad on craigslist. Charlie answers the ad for himself and his soon-to-be-hermit best friend, Darcy. Fake date scenario hilarity ensues.





	1. June 5

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Sooo this is my first fic in a long time. It's based off of the premise of 'Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates' but the similarities end there. I'd really appreciate constructive criticism on this, as I'm trying to get back into writing more. Enjoy! Also, Austen owns all (including my heart).

**6/5/2017, Norfolk, VA**

Lizzy was dying. Slowly, but surely, she and her cardiac-deficient mother would leave the godforsaken Earth simultaneously due to the equal amount of stress and pressure one put on the other.

For this specific scenario, Lizzy believed that her mother won the jackpot. Maybe this insane request would finally send Lizzy to the land beyond. Because this time, she didn't think she'd be able to refuse her mother.

"Lizzy," Fran Bennet said in a stern tone (with her signature Finger Point), "do not give me that look."

To hide her mortification, Lizzy played dumb. "What do you mean? What look?"

Fran sighed heavily. "This is exactly why you're nearing your thirties without a ring on your finger, or even a boyfriend!"

"Dear mother, I know that you've considered that I don't need a boyfriend to survive. I know that you must have considered it, because I've been shouting as much at you since I turned thirteen."

"You were a child! I thought you would grow out of it. Maybe you'd meet a nice boy at college, at law school - at this point I'd settle for an online dating profile - but no. No, your snarky attitude and your hideous fingernails have driven away any suitable man you've come into contact with."

Lizzy was a split second from voicing her retort when Jane interrupted. "Okay you two, calm down. Lizzy -" at this, Lizzy gave her sister a wary look. "You have to admit that you've kicked and screamed at every single thing Mom has tried to do for you. Nothing is wrong with you being single, but she isn't asking you to get married -" Fran looked like she was about to refute, so Jane began to talk faster, "she just wants you to bring a casual date to Lydia's wedding."

Lizzy growled in response. She measured her opponents - while Jane was basically an angel, she was on the side of the devil in Lizzy's perspective. It was probably because of their mother's condition, which made her even less of an opponent, but still.

Fran had had a heart attack a month previously. Jane and Lizzy temporarily moved back home to help take care of her. Their father died of cancer five years earlier, Mary was too caught up in getting her PhD, Kitty was struggling to finish her bachelor's, and Lydia was...well, Lydia. Despite how different Lydia and Lizzy's life choices were, the two sisters were the most similar out of the bunch. They were both fiercely independent; Lizzy's independence was rooted in the desire to provide for herself and get a job she was passionate about. Lydia's, on the other hand, barely had a root. She traveled and wandered like a free spirit, going wherever the wind took her. The fact that she was getting married at twenty wasn't so much a surprise as a disappointment, since everyone expected the relationship to flounder.

Everyone, except Fran Bennet.

Fran had gone the extra mile to plan Lydia's wedding. She was spending money she didn't have, inviting people she barely knew, and making a big deal out of a relationship everyone expected to fail. And not one person confronted her about it, because she had a heart condition and her husband was dead.

Lizzy wouldn't comment on the ostentatious wedding that would cost her mother a fortune. She wasn't heartless - she just listened to her logical mind more often. She knew that she and Jane would end up paying for most of it without letting Fran know, and that was fine. Their father's death and Fran's health scare had taken a lot out of everyone.

But forcing her and Jane to take dates to a wedding so pompous that it looked like it came straight out of a reality TV show? No way.

She was still on her fuming train of thought as Jane wrote the craigslist ad for their dates in their childhood bedroom that night.

"Hey, Lizzy, do you think we should put an itinerary on the ad? So that they would know what else they could get out of it?" Jane asked.

Lizzy sighed. "Jane, look at us." Jane looked up from her laptop with a befuddled expression. "Sweetie, we are two beautiful, accomplished women. You are a literal angel, preventing children from getting sick and shit -" Jane rolled her eyes "and I'm a lawyer who actually helps people. If there are any men who respond to this ad and expect anything beyond the role of our arm candy, they have some perception issues."

Jane was giggling by the end of Lizzy's tirade. "I'm including the trip to Busch Gardens," she said.


	2. June 15

**6/15/2017, Washington, D.C.**

There are few things that are able to keep William Darcy in a state of complete contentment. His sister's gushing about her new piano compositions, a strong alcohol paired with a Harry Potter movie, and watching the sun rise in silence are the most notable things. The one thing that interferes with these moments of peace? Other people trying to exist within them.

It was a Thursday night and Darcy had a triple whiskey in his hand with _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_ playing on the television. He was relaxing after a particularly rough day at work - the only reason he hadn't snapped any heads off was that he kept thinking exactly of this moment. He took a drink, sighed happily, and watched as Harry turned his aunt into a hot air balloon.

Then, Charlie rudely attempted to exist within his moment.

As soon as the knock sounded on his door, Darcy knew it was Charlie. He groaned, but nonetheless paused the movie and got up to answer the door.

"Darce! You have to see this!" Charlie exclaimed. He was in his pajamas, and practically jumping up and down while holding his laptop. Charlie was a lot of things; Darcy's neighbor, Darcy's long-time best friend, and the marketing manager for Pemberley Corp., the company Darcy had inherited from his father. One thing Charlie was not, was mellow.

Darcy raised an eyebrow. "There are work hours for a reason, Char."

"It's not work! Man, just let me in so I can tell you about it."

If it was anyone else, Darcy would've told them to get the hell out. But Charlie wasn't anyone else, so he was let into the apartment's living area.

"Oh, crap, did I interrupt a Harry Potter? Oh well, this could help fix that."

"What? My Harry Potter movie habits don't need to be fixed."

Charlie frowned up at Darcy as he situated himself on the couch. "Dude, repeat that sentence again in your head and tell me it doesn't need fixing."

Darcy shook his head and replied as if Harry Potter hadn't come up. "What is it you need to show me?"

Charlie pushed the laptop into Darcy's lap and pointed at the CraigsList ad.

_"TWO WEDDING DATES NEEDED: two men requested to be dates for our sister's wedding. Must be late 20s - mid 30s. Dates needed: 8/3/2017 - 8/6/2017. Will be paid, but amount will be disclosed only when interested parties apply for serious consideration. Both me and my sister are too busy with work to get dates. We just need you to tag along for the ride. As our dates, you will have to attend wedding functions with us, as well as the more fun activities - a free trip to Busch Gardens Williamsburg is included! A photo of my sister and I is attached. If interested, please contact us with one of the listed addresses/numbers."_

Darcy looked up with a glare. It was one thing for Charlie to intrude on his moment, but another for him to bring two strangers into it. Charlie smiled back like it was the best idea he'd had in ten years.

"Charlie. Charles. What the actual fuck is this?"

"Okay, Will, they're cute! And if we don't like them, it's so low commitment it's ridiculous - we can just leave after the wedding is over!" Darcy's face didn't change an inch. "Listen, Will, you need to get out more."

Darcy threw his hands in exasperation. "I go out plenty."

"To work doesn't count, Darce. You're about to turn the big three-oh in a few months and you haven't had a serious girlfriend since undergrad. Just give it a try; even if you don't like the girl, you can get some free fancy food and Busch Gardens out of it!"

"I can get both without going through these shenanigans. Besides, why do you think they need to put out an online ad rather than try to find dates in the real world? There's probably something wrong with them."

"Well, _these shenanigans_ serve to get you up off your ass for now. And you have enough issues to fill the length of one of your wizard movies, so you don't have a leg to stand on in the 'what's wrong with them' box of surprises." Charlie had a self-satisfied smirk as he looked over at Darcy. "I also already cleared all of your appointments and meetings for the dates of the wedding anyway."

" _Charlie!"_


	3. June 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For context, the trolley problem posits that you are walking along trolley tracks when you see that the trolley is headed straight for five people, who cannot be moved from the tracks. There is an adjoining track where only one person is attached (sometimes called the fat man), but the train isn't heading for that person. You can save the 5 by turning the track so that it will hit the one person, or let it kill the 5 people. It's used in ethics/philosophy a lot, and there are entire books written on it.

**June 24, 2017; Richmond, VA**

The craigslist idea was cute at first. It was fun to come up with silly ad descriptions and think about the people who would respond. But once the responses actually arrived...it was very disconcerting.

Lizzy had been overly cautious to begin with, which Jane thought was over-the-top. Only in response to the men asking for sex and a "good time" during the nights of the trip made Jane realize how useful Lizzy's innate distrust of human beings was.

They hadn't given away the location of the event, and wouldn't until they picked the men for the dates. They gave the men the non-negotiable price when they emailed them with some semblance of serious interest. And they decided to interview them publicly in Richmond rather than their hometown where they were living temporarily.

After sifting through the responses, there were three that seemed respectable enough to interview with. The first: a pair of twin brothers involved in their family's law practice; second, two friends who worked for a corporation (they were vague); and third, two friends who were accountants.

They met at a decent Italian restaurant, and each of the three pairs had a one-hour slot. Jane and Lizzy had a pre-prepared list of questions for the potential dates. It was all very official. And it was also all for nothing.

The twin brothers were so... _nice._ Jane liked them, of course, but Lizzy was highly critical. They aced every question, but something was just off about them. Their answers were robotic (for example, question: "What do you do for fun?", answer: "Having fun with family." Lizzy thought that was a huge stretch). They laughed a little too hard at her and Jane's jokes, and their laughs didn't reach their eyes. When Jane left to go to the bathroom, Lizzy asked them her personal questions.

"So, boys," she said. "Are you familiar with the trolley problem?"

"Hmm, the trolley...oh yes! I majored in philosophy at Georgetown," Number One said. Lizzy hadn't bothered to remember their names. It was some weird twin trope, where the names were annoyingly similar, yet they would become incredibly offended if you mistook Tom for Tam.

"I dabbled in some ethics at UVA too," Number Two said. "The basic premise is -"

"I know the premise," Lizzy interrupted, "I'm the one who asked you about it. So, what would you do?"

"Hmmm," said Number One. He liked that phrase. "I'd say let the five people live and kill the fat man. If you can't know the value of the lives involved, go based on probability. There's a greater chance of saving people with skills and potential by saving the five rather than the one."

Lizzy's eyebrows gradually rose higher and higher as Number One kept talking. "So, you assign values to people's lives?"

"Of course! You're a lawyer, and that's just the world we live in. If the president was the fat man, then of course I'd save him, but if you have no prior knowledge, it's better to go with the five."

Once he said "you're a lawyer" in that context, Lizzy already decided that she would have nothing to do with those men, even though there were thirty minutes left of their interview.

The second pair was nice, but an imbalanced type of nice. The ginger was incredibly sweet and friendly, while his friend was like a pissed off statue come to life. Lizzy thought that he looked similar to how she imagined Hades would during the spring when Persephone left to be with her mother: pissy, deprecating, and waiting for the time to pass. Jane and the ginger immediately clicked, and he seemed genuine. It was the Hades impersonator that Lizzy was having qualms about.

"So, Darcy, are you familiar with the trolley problem?" Lizzy asked when Charlie had gone to the restroom.

"Yes," he replied. _Well, at least he doesn't do with all of the 'hmmm' shit._ "And I would let fate make its course. Neither action is right or wrong, so I just wouldn't interfere."

Lizzy was intrigued. "But wouldn't non-interference be an action within itself? You're just choosing to save the five people."

His lips pressed into a thin line. "That's just what fate designed."

"So, if this were a real-life scenario -"

"No, no, it isn't meant to be interpreted like that. Just take the ethical dilemma for what it is."

" _No,_ the whole point of creating an ethical dilemma like the trolley problem is to apply it to real-life scenarios. You're just using that as a flimsy excuse to avoid ethical responsibility." Lizzy smiled, not unkindly, but also in a self-satisfied way that oozed _I'm right._

Darcy looked like he wasn't budging and was about to retaliate, and knowing that Lizzy was not physically capable of budging either, Jane interrupted.

"So, Darcy, what do you do for fun?" Jane asked. Darcy picked at his food and mumbled about a book series he was into.

Charlie came back, and the fun atmosphere of the interview returned with him. Their questions were answered after fifteen minutes, but Jane and Charlie were getting on so well that they continued to talk for forty more minutes. Lizzy avoided talking to Darcy, because she didn't want to distract her sister from the first nice guy that she'd met in years by fighting with his friend.

When Charlie and Darcy left, Lizzy was about to launch into every little quirk and action of Darcy's that had already driven her mad. Then she saw Jane's face. Her excitement and interest was obvious, even though she tried to hide it.

Lizzy knew that if she dismissed Darcy from the choices, Charlie would have to go too. Jane wouldn't complain or gripe about it either - just like how she never complained about how hard it was to become a doctor or how irrational their mother could be. She put every person she cared about before herself, and Lizzy would be damned if she was an impediment to her sister's happiness. Even if she had to be with some annoying prick for a few days.

"So," prompted Jane, "what did you think?" She was trying to act aloof, but nervous hope was splattered across her face.

Lizzy got a metaphorical straw and sucked it up. "I thought they were great!"

* * *

The next guys were just plain boring. At least the first group had been so atrociously awful (in Lizzy's view) that they were entertaining in a "can't wait to gripe about these weirdos to Charlotte later" way. Just their monotone voices made Lizzy zone out during their interview. She was still thinking over how she would manage to be Darcy's fake date for four days without snapping; she had barely managed to do so within the span of an hour.

As the accountants left, Lizzy didn't feel like pretending. "So, when do you want to call Charlie?" she asked Jane.

Jane jumped up and down in her seat with a blinding smile on her face. At Lizzy's amused expression, she tried to downplay her reaction, but failed miserably. "I mean, yeah, sure, I guess that ginger guy was okay." And Lizzy was extremely contented at seeing her older sister basically floating on clouds for the rest of the evening.


	4. July 30

**July 30, 2017; Washington, D.C.**

The interview in Richmond was the last time Darcy and Charlie saw the sisters. They weren't lying in the ad - they were very busy with their jobs. Living roughly four hours apart from each other didn't help, either.

The lack of contact helped Darcy forget what he was letting himself get roped into. Charlie couldn't actually force him to do anything, but it had been a long time since he had seen Charlie as genuinely happy as when he met Jane or talked with her on the phone. Charlie claimed that this ruse was for Darcy's well-being, and while Darcy didn't exactly doubt him, he knew that Charlie himself had been lonely since his last relationship ended. Being paired with a beautiful doctor who fit his temperament worked out incredibly well for him. Darcy being paired with a smart-mouthed lawyer that argued over everything had to work for the sake of the agreement.

Despite how annoying she came off, Elizabeth at least knew her stuff. She spoke with confidence and finality, which was a rarity for him in date scenarios. Darcy was far from a social butterfly, but he wasn't blind; women tended to turn to goop around him. No matter what many women said, he knew the real reason why they acted like they were his for the taking: his name and his money.

Darcy had thought that Elizabeth was being coy when she asked him what he did for a living. He was _William Darcy,_ one of the youngest CEO's with a company on the Fortune 500. He did business in New York, but actually lived in D.C., which was incredibly close to her hometown. If she knew, she either didn't care or didn't understand.

However, on one Sunday night, Darcy was in one of his rare moments of contentment and let the predicament Charlie put him in slip out of his mind. Georgiana was visiting his apartment, as her summer internship had just ended. They were cooking dinner, and she was telling him about the composition she'd started on since her free time had opened up, when he noticed his phone buzz. He glanced over at it, but quickly turned back to his sister.

The buzzing didn't stop. It went from short text buzzes to buzzes of calls. Darcy ignored it; when he had turned around to do something, he noticed the buzzing had stopped. He breathed a sigh of relief until he heard Georgiana.

"Hello?" Georgiana was listening intently to the other person on the phone while Darcy strangled a spoon.

Georgiana broke out into a dazzling, yet mischievous smile as she listened to the phone. Darcy suddenly had a guess at who she was talking to.

Jane usually just called Charlie, but maybe she lost his number? Or needed to ask him something for the arrangement?

"Actually, you can come over now," Georgiana said. Darcy's eyes practically bored a hole into her forehead. "Great! See you soon."

She tried to act like nothing had happened, but Darcy knew better. "Georgie, who was that?"

"Elizabeth! She seems lovely, why haven't you mentioned her before? Or the wedding?"

Darcy groaned and fell over into the chair beside her. "It wasn't my idea, Charlie did everything."

"Well, no shit! Why didn't you tell me about it?"

"It's a _fake_ wedding date. I'll never see her again, probably. Maybe at her sister's and Charlie's wedding, but that's it."

"Her sister and Charlie are together?" While Darcy didn't care about anyone's relationship, Georgiana cared too much for his liking.

"I don't know."

Georgiana snorted. "That man has been telling you every detail of his life since he met you ten years ago, you _don't know_ if he's dating someone?"

Darcy rolled his eyes; she wouldn't stop until she got the information. "He's been talking on the phone with her since our interview about a month ago. They haven't seen each other since, because they're both busy with their jobs. Jane is a pediatrician, but she works at two clinics. And you know I work Charlie's ass off."

Georgiana smiled in a self-satisfied way. "Good for him. And what about Elizabeth?"

"What about her?" countered Darcy, who blatantly avoided eye contact.

Georgiana groaned theatrically and put her head in her hand. "Are you so bad at dating that you don't recognize dating questions? What's your deal with her?"

"I have no 'deal' with her," Darcy said with an eye roll. "She's part of the package. I have to pretend to be her date for a few days, and then hopefully we'll never see each other again."

Georgiana looked downcast. "What? Why? She seemed so nice!"

Darcy finally turned to her with a disbelieving look. "You talked to her for all of two minutes!"

"I can tell," Georgiana said as he tapped her forehead with her finger. "It's just a gut feeling. It'll become plain logic once I meet her in ten minutes."

" _Ten minutes?"_

"She said fifteen on the phone, but your whining about how hard it is to have friends has probably taken up five minutes by now. So ten minutes."

Darcy closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and tried not to slam his head into the wall. No matter how irritating Georgiana was being, he was physically incapable of seriously reprimanding her. He resigned himself to sitting next to his sister in silence, akin to a man waiting to start his prison sentence.

When Elizabeth knocked on the door, it felt like kicks to Darcy's stomach. He couldn't pinpoint why he was so anxious at her coming to her apartment - if anything, it made more sense for him to be indifferent, since he wasn't her biggest fan and didn't really care what she thought of him, or his apartment.

His sweaty palms and nervous ticks were telling a different story.

Georgiana silently shooed him to get the door when Elizabeth knocked. He'd have preferred for her to get it, since she was the one who invited the unsolicited guest, but nothing about this situation was fair.

Even though it was a Sunday night, Elizabeth was dressed in work attire. Her hair was in a neat bun, but Darcy noticed small wisps starting to poke out. Her pencil skirt and form-fitting blouse were a nice change from the flannel and jeans she'd been wearing at the interview last month. However, it wasn't a nice change for his nerves - they began to work overtime.

"Hello, Elizabeth," he said. He felt the blood rush to his face and suddenly didn't know where to put his hands.

"Er - hi," was her response. She looked from his face to his apartment. Darcy realized belatedly that he was supposed to invite her in.

"Oh, um, please come in."

Elizabeth sighed and stared straight ahead as she entered. She took a look around the room, and her eyes settled on Georgiana, who was suddenly right behind Darcy.

"Hi, Elizabeth! I'm Georgiana, from the phone."

"Hi there, nice to meet you." Elizabeth gave her a firm handshake.

Darcy felt suffocated. He didn't know what to do; part of why he and Charlie were such good friends was because Darcy dealt with numbers and logistics, while Charlie talked to the people. And although Georgie could be annoyingly vivacious, she was just as shy as her brother.

Elizabeth must have noticed that she was the only socially capable person in the room. "So," she started, "I was in the area for work, and decided that we should probably hash out some of the things you should know and do for the wedding."

"Of course, yes, that's an excellent idea." Darcy remained planted by the door; where was Charlie when he needed him? "Um, why don't you sit on the sofa, and I can get you something to drink?"

Elizabeth agreed, and while Darcy went to get her a glass of water, Georgiana briskly ambushed him.

"Dude, have you never talked to a real woman before?"

Darcy glared at his sister. "You know I have! This is just a weird situation. I've never fake dated someone before."

"Well, you're acting like you've never _actually_ dated someone before, so loosen up on the Mr. Robot gig." Georgiana left to sit next to Elizabeth on the couch.

Darcy took a deep breath and steeled himself for Social Time. He knew how to put it on during business meetings and pitches, so it shouldn't be much different in this circumstance.

Darcy went and sat next to Elizabeth on the couch. "Elizabeth, how's your sister?" he asked. He was about two feet away from her, but still felt too close, and resisted the urge to move away from her.

"She's well. Speaking of, here is everything you need to know about the family." Elizabeth went into her bag and pulled out an official-looking folder. She handed Darcy a thick pile of paper that, as he began rifling through it, resembled an investigative report rather than "meet the family" tips and tricks.

"Um, is all of this necessary?" he asked. The wedding was only for a few days, and surely these people wouldn't outright interrogate Charlie and Darcy.

"Unfortunately, yes. My mother is the one who made Jane and I bring dates to the wedding, and she'll be so proud of her handiwork that she'll want to get as much information out of you as possible. It'll be easier on mine and Jane's sanity if you don't screw up any details, like not knowing how many sisters we have or that our father is dead."

 _Wow, just go straight for the punch._ "Oh, I'm sorry -" Darcy started, but Elizabeth interrupted him before he could continue.

"It's fine," she said as she got up from the couch. "That's the information you'll need. If you have any questions, my phone number is in there. I don't think you'll need to pass this on to Charlie, since he and Jane are pretty much actually dating by now."

Both Darcy siblings were dumbfounded - Georgiana because she must have gotten it into her head that Elizabeth and her brother were at least friends, and Darcy because he hadn't been expecting Elizabeth to be so straight-up with everything.

Either oblivious to their reactions or not caring, Elizabeth made her goodbyes. "It was nice to meet you, Georgiana," she said with a smile. She turned to Darcy, her smile slipped, and gave him a nod. "Darcy. See you on the third."

That was that. She let herself out, and the two siblings were still staring at the door minutes later.

"That was weird," said Darcy.

"I think she's your soulmate," was Georgiana's only comment.


End file.
